Whatever Happened To “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”?!?

Thoughts of my little blog and it’s comments have brought to light an interesting sociological observation. Today’s discussion: Do some people only like to mention the negative things they see and point out flaws, rather than focus on what’s good and discuss the positives? This started me thinking that some people are reluctant to give compliments but extremely quick to give negative feedback. It makes me wonder: what does this say about our society? As we live our lives, are we generally quicker to criticize than appreciate?

For example, my numerous spelling mistakes in past blog entries. Ok, so they were not really spelling mistakes per say, as spellchecker let them go through, but I did make a few word usage errors and also spelled potatoe with an e. Don’t ask me why I thought potato had an “e”.

Although I completely understand that if I want to be a writer, I’m expected to be a great speller and I should never publish stupid mistakes in my work. Ok, I get that, but let me just say that I am a creative writer and not an editor! Plus, I’m only human and when you proof read your own work, you are likely to miss little mistakes. Now I realize that little errors are unacceptable in my book (that’s why I hire a good editor) but is it really expected that my lengthy blogs be literary perfect?

Apparently, the answer for most of my readers is: YES!

This is the case when I look at all the feedback I've received from my stories through comments and personal messages, 80% mentioned my errors only! Only 20% made very lovely comments (thanks for that, you know who you are). Sure, I can understand that you’d want to point out the errors so I can go in and fix them (which I did) and in fact, I appreciate the feedback to make necessary changes, but why must that be the primary response I receive? I mean, I know my stories may not be everyone’s cup of tea. That's cool, but honestly I just want to entertain you. So if you took the time to read a story, I’d hope that you at least enjoyed or noticed SOMETHING other than the fact that “potatoe” has no e!

Granted, the person who commented on the potato error did write back later and give me some great feedback on a different story, while shaing some funny gems of experience with me.

My general point is that most of the initial feedback I've received has been to correct my errors, negativity. Interesting.

Now I want to make it clear that I am not criticizing anyone or complaining about the valuable feedback that my readers are giving me. Frankly, any feedback is appreciated; I am an aspiring writer after all. The reason why I am putting together this particular blog entry is to point out the interesting observation that some people just don’t like to compliment but easily criticize. If they do want to say something in response to my stories, it was to point out my faults and errors primarily. Again, I wonder: what does this say about our society and how people react to the world around them?

Are most of us primarily negative thinkers? Do we see the faults and flaws before we see the effort and beauty? Are we afraid to say something subjectively positive yet are confident enough to hide behind the truth of an obvious error? What is it in human nature that makes people want to make others feel bad before we want to make them feel good?

I obviously don’t have the answers to these questions, I only took first year sociology and do not claim to know everything. I’m just asking myself these questions as I observe the ever interesting human culture around me. I've concluded that deep down, some people just see what's wrong instead of what's right.

You may have read a previous blog entitled “The Rare Vancouver Goddess” where I started to give praise and accolades to two particular ladies who definitely deserve it. As I was writing that story, I started to think a lot about this same subject but in the context of why some people don’t often compliment and give praise to the people who really deserve it, unless they are in our very close personal circle.

Of course, I'm not pointing thining about anyone in particular when I write these words, I’m simply observing and speculating about how people sometimes react to others. I’m often amused and a little baffled when I genuinely compliment some people and they respond by being taken aback and critical of my praise, as if I’m just saying it to gain something or they react as if don’t think they deserve kind words.

Anyways, as you can clearly see, I could run off on many different tangents here with this line of thinking. However, I’d rather just like to say that I think we all need to see the beauty in the things around us, as well as the flaws or errors, if any. We shouldn’t just look at the negative and only discuss what is wrong. We should give credit where it’s due and speak up about what’s positive about what we see, hear, and read. I’m not saying everyone should like my stories, clearly, that is a ridiculous assumption. I’m actually not even talking about my stories any more, I'm just thinking about human nature in general. We should all try to look at the world a little more positively, give encouragement where we can, and then give the constructive criticisms if necessary. Let's work harder to build each other up instead of tear each other down, whatever and however that may be. Love people, we need more love!

Or, perhaps even, as my mom would say: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all! Alternatively, in my case, I’d like to say: If you don’t have anything nice to say and only want to spew negativity, FIND something nice to say after you criticize! That would be very nice indeed :)

Thank you, that is all, I've jumped off the soapbox.

Now what do you think?

PS – It’s almost certain that I made a few spelling and syntax errors here in this blog. In fact, I even considered throwing in various errors just to see who would be a jackass and solely comment on them. All I’m asking is that you say something nice! Surely, that isn’t too much to ask. :)