The Prettiest Marathon and the Fastest Kenyan: A couch potato’s view

It was a lazy, muggy Sunday. The grey overcast sky teased of a beautiful sunny day to come and I was just rising from a peaceful night’s slumber. Coffee, oh yeah, coffee, I thought to myself with a delicious smile and a zombie-like voice. I stumbled over the coffee pot in my faded robe and relished the blissful fact that I didn’t have to go to work today.

I heard cheers from outside my window and I opened up the blinds to see the annual Vancouver marathon rushing by. I looked at my watch and blinked my groggy eyes: 8:15am, Damn! How the hell can people actually get up this freakin’ early and run for 40 some odd kilometers? I ask myself and the universe at large But kudos to you for having the willpower and drive to do it! I bless mentally in a silent coffee cup raised salute.

Ah, the Annual Vancouver (was Adidas, is now BMO, and I wonder who the corporate sponsor will be next year) Marathon. I’ve heard this race dubbed the prettiest marathon in Canada. I can easily see why as I watch hundreds of runners pass on their way to Stanley Park. I’ve never been a runner myself, but I do enjoy a good walk/jog along the seawall on a sunny Sunday afternoon. That is, after sleeping in until WAY past the dreadful hour of 6am that these lemmings must have gotten up at. I guess I’m just a lazier, fair weathered soul who prefers the comfort of a dance studio to sweat out frustrations and challenge my body to new heights. I’m guessing those are the only reasons one would put oneself through long distance torture via a marathon. I guess some are born to run and others are just here to watch them run by when the time is right, like today! The latter is most definitely me!

I walked back to the window about 15 minutes later to see that the runners have slowed down to a brisk walk. I wonder why they would be walking already when they surely have another 25km or more to go. I’m fairly certain that my apartment isn’t even at the halfway mark yet. DO you think they’ll finish by dinner?!? I chuckle to myself. I then start to wonder why anyone would want to do this race if it meant walking the whole thing. I guess they could just be doing the half marathon I consider as I finish my coffee and start to thumb through an old fashion magazine on my coffee table.

A few minutes later, I find myself drawn to the window again as I wonder if the brisk walkers have turned into crawlers yet. Yup, indeed they have! I start to wonder why more people aren’t running this thing, I mean, aren’t marathons supposed to be popular? The Sun Run sure is and it’s still growing every year, so how come it looks like only a few hundred are running?

Just then, a see a flash of yellow and ebony dark skin come flying around the corner. I stopped and stared, wondering if my eyes were deceiving me while quickly trying to figure out if this guy started way late and was trying to catch up or if he’s actually leading an invisible pack. Then I realized: He must be the leader and perhaps the race is lapping this area, that’s why he’s passing all the slower ones like this. No one could possibly be in front of this streak of lightening! He skyrocketed past my apartment faster than I’ve ever seen any man run. He just flew! I didn’t know human beings could travel that fast on two legs!

The crawlers stop to cheer him on as he flies by and I start to wonder where the rest of the racers are. I’m just staring, baffled at the stealthy Kenyan who just passed a whole city block like SpeedRacer on legs. I just can’t believe anyone could possibly run 40km so ridiculously fast. How does one gain such speed and maintain it? This guy could run to work in about 5 minutes flat from anywhere in the city! He could never be late unless his appointment was in another country! Damn! I have so much respect for the human Speedy Gonzales that I decide to have another lazy cup of coffee in honour of him.

To the ridiculously fast and 2008 Vancouver Marathon winner Thomas Omwenga and everyone else who got up off their asses and ran like the wind, I respect and admire your strength, willpower, and determination. I, a Sunday couch potato forever, salute you!

PS. I found out later that the Relay Race started early and the marathon runners came afterward. That would explain why I saw Grease-Lightning streak past the slower Relay Runners. What a funny sight!