Various Stares
Before I headed out the door to work this morning, I noticed the big fake red rose sitting in my Canada Post piggy bank. I considered for a moment when the last time was that I wore flowers in my hair or stuck them onto my person somehow. I love doing that because flowers are beautiful and the world can never have too much beauty. Plus, this the wonderful season for flowers now.
Impulsively, I grabbed the rose and attached it to the strap on my purse and wandered out the door and up the street to my office. On my way there, I noticed that many people passing by were staring at the flower; a ruby red beacon set against the dark blue and grey of my business suit. It may have appeared a bit strange seeing as the rest of me looked as if I’d just left an executive’s office, or perhaps a funeral. Leather portfolio in hand and negotiation face in place, yet here was this big red rose attached casually to my black purse. It definitely attracted a bit of attention; something I found rather amusing.
It started me thinking about the various stares people give you in public. I recognized several different types this morning so I’ve decided to categorize them:
The Tourist Stare
This staring style usually comes from a wide eyed, curious tourist wondering:
“What do the people that actually live here look like?” or sometimes it's "Where the hell am I?"
Their expression is usually a bit blank, as if the senses are overwhelmed and they aren’t sure how to take it all in. It’s a sort of a deer in the headlights type of look, like the bewildered gaze of a inquisitive child frozen in wonder.
I like this stare because it’s the same kind of look I have on my face when touring a new place. It’s harmless, cutely naive somehow, and it charms me and almost makes me want to stop and ask them if they are lost and need directions. I like to be a nice and helpful local.
The Fashionable Stare
Only other women truly understand this stare. Well, other women and 90% of the men living near Davie street. It’s the sizing up of another female (or male, or perhaps she-male) in public who is wearing something interesting and/or different. The gaze can go two ways:
1. Either turn interested and curious and may perhaps spawn imitation and questions about where you bought a particular accessory or item of clothing.
2. Turn to quiet mockery if the subject is wearing something odd or unattractive.
I’ve encountered and given both of these stares. In fact, I do it everyday as I check out what other women in this city are wearing. I seem to find a mixed selection of both, just as I seem to get both kinds of stares in return.
The Lecherous Stare
Exactly as it sounds, this stare is creepy and it never ceases to make me uncomfortable. It usually comes from men. They may be young boys, Mexicans, Italians, construction workers, or just random strange men who stare at women with a predatory gleam in their eye and tight little smiles on their lips. Ladies, you know what I mean by this, it’s the stare you get from groups of men who stop talking when you approach them and either stare silent and intently as you pass by or throw out a “hello” now and then after you've walked past. As a woman, I have to ask: Why do men do this? It does nothing for me except make me very uncomfortable and want to look at the ground, sky, or anything but your creepy stare.
Of course, I’m sure that most men don’t mean anything by this kind of stare. However, I just don’t like it and I’m sure most women who aren’t attention whores will feel the same way. Attention from men is nice; lecherous stares are not.
Now I know it’s only fair to mention now that sometimes women do this to men, but it’s pretty rare. Unless we’re out with the girls or at a bachelorette party or you look like Brad Pitt or Gavin Rossdale, men generally don’t get stared at with a “I’m undressing you with my eyes, can’t you tell?” type of look like women frequently do.
Guys: If you find a particular woman walking down the street attractive, and perhaps you want to talk to her, DO NOT give her the lecherous stare! She’s much prefer it if you gave her a charming, approachable, gentlemanly smile. If you want to speak with her, follow it up with a simple “Hello” or even a “How are you?” if you get the chance. Don’t stare at her like she’s an alien and don’t make her feel uncomfortable because it will get you nowhere.
The Can’t Stop Staring Stare
This is the stare that just keeps coming at you even when you’ve made it clear to the starer that you notice it and are made uncomfortable by it.
The very worst case of this I experienced in Germany on a train from Cologne to Bonn. I was sitting by myself next to the window, munching on Haribo and sipping a hefeweizen beer (you can do that there!) and this guy sitting a few rows down kept starting at me as if I had just escaped from the circus and forgot to take off my clown nose. After a few seconds I looked right at him to indicate that I noticed him staring at me and I wasn’t necessarily enjoying it. He just kept staring. After about on 30 seconds more, I stared right back at him and gestured “Yes, can I help you?” He just kept on staring at me with a look that was a strange combination of a tourist and lecherous stare. It was really annoying. He did look away a few times so I knew it wasn’t a crick in his neck or anything, he just liked to stare at strange women for extended periods of time. Strange women generally don’t like that.
The “You Look Like Someone I know” Stare
I seem to get this stare a lot from a wide variety of people. Sometimes people stop and ask me if I know so and so, who is apparently my doppelganger. I always find this a bit odd because how the hell and I suppose to know so and so just because they look like me?
Sometimes this funny stare comes in the form of fathers telling me I remind them of their daughters. That’s usually a pleasant one, it’s the same proud kind of look I get from my dad. I enjoy this look, except for the rare time that it turns into the lecherous stare, which always succeeds in creeping me out on a whole new level.
The other week, this type of stare came in the form of a young child, a girl no older than about 2 years old, pointing at me in the supermarket aisle and proclaiming “MOMMY!” in a very loud voice. I really wasn’t quite sure how to react to that one. The dad sure looked sheepish and apologetic. I just felt a strange mix of motherly obligation and complete maternal denial.
I’m sure I could come up with one or two more stare styles, but those are the main ones I seemed to encounter this morning and therefore all I can think of at the moment.
Eye culture in different cultures has always been something that has fascinated me. Japanese school kids are taught to direct their gaze at their teacher’s neck or tie, Germans seem to like to stare at you openly and unblinkingly whether they are speaking to you or not, and us Vancouverites don’t often make eye contact with each other on the street unless we are forced to.
What are your thoughts/experiences?
Before I headed out the door to work this morning, I noticed the big fake red rose sitting in my Canada Post piggy bank. I considered for a moment when the last time was that I wore flowers in my hair or stuck them onto my person somehow. I love doing that because flowers are beautiful and the world can never have too much beauty. Plus, this the wonderful season for flowers now.
Impulsively, I grabbed the rose and attached it to the strap on my purse and wandered out the door and up the street to my office. On my way there, I noticed that many people passing by were staring at the flower; a ruby red beacon set against the dark blue and grey of my business suit. It may have appeared a bit strange seeing as the rest of me looked as if I’d just left an executive’s office, or perhaps a funeral. Leather portfolio in hand and negotiation face in place, yet here was this big red rose attached casually to my black purse. It definitely attracted a bit of attention; something I found rather amusing.
It started me thinking about the various stares people give you in public. I recognized several different types this morning so I’ve decided to categorize them:
The Tourist Stare
This staring style usually comes from a wide eyed, curious tourist wondering:
“What do the people that actually live here look like?” or sometimes it's "Where the hell am I?"
Their expression is usually a bit blank, as if the senses are overwhelmed and they aren’t sure how to take it all in. It’s a sort of a deer in the headlights type of look, like the bewildered gaze of a inquisitive child frozen in wonder.
I like this stare because it’s the same kind of look I have on my face when touring a new place. It’s harmless, cutely naive somehow, and it charms me and almost makes me want to stop and ask them if they are lost and need directions. I like to be a nice and helpful local.
The Fashionable Stare
Only other women truly understand this stare. Well, other women and 90% of the men living near Davie street. It’s the sizing up of another female (or male, or perhaps she-male) in public who is wearing something interesting and/or different. The gaze can go two ways:
1. Either turn interested and curious and may perhaps spawn imitation and questions about where you bought a particular accessory or item of clothing.
2. Turn to quiet mockery if the subject is wearing something odd or unattractive.
I’ve encountered and given both of these stares. In fact, I do it everyday as I check out what other women in this city are wearing. I seem to find a mixed selection of both, just as I seem to get both kinds of stares in return.
The Lecherous Stare
Exactly as it sounds, this stare is creepy and it never ceases to make me uncomfortable. It usually comes from men. They may be young boys, Mexicans, Italians, construction workers, or just random strange men who stare at women with a predatory gleam in their eye and tight little smiles on their lips. Ladies, you know what I mean by this, it’s the stare you get from groups of men who stop talking when you approach them and either stare silent and intently as you pass by or throw out a “hello” now and then after you've walked past. As a woman, I have to ask: Why do men do this? It does nothing for me except make me very uncomfortable and want to look at the ground, sky, or anything but your creepy stare.
Of course, I’m sure that most men don’t mean anything by this kind of stare. However, I just don’t like it and I’m sure most women who aren’t attention whores will feel the same way. Attention from men is nice; lecherous stares are not.
Now I know it’s only fair to mention now that sometimes women do this to men, but it’s pretty rare. Unless we’re out with the girls or at a bachelorette party or you look like Brad Pitt or Gavin Rossdale, men generally don’t get stared at with a “I’m undressing you with my eyes, can’t you tell?” type of look like women frequently do.
Guys: If you find a particular woman walking down the street attractive, and perhaps you want to talk to her, DO NOT give her the lecherous stare! She’s much prefer it if you gave her a charming, approachable, gentlemanly smile. If you want to speak with her, follow it up with a simple “Hello” or even a “How are you?” if you get the chance. Don’t stare at her like she’s an alien and don’t make her feel uncomfortable because it will get you nowhere.
The Can’t Stop Staring Stare
This is the stare that just keeps coming at you even when you’ve made it clear to the starer that you notice it and are made uncomfortable by it.
The very worst case of this I experienced in Germany on a train from Cologne to Bonn. I was sitting by myself next to the window, munching on Haribo and sipping a hefeweizen beer (you can do that there!) and this guy sitting a few rows down kept starting at me as if I had just escaped from the circus and forgot to take off my clown nose. After a few seconds I looked right at him to indicate that I noticed him staring at me and I wasn’t necessarily enjoying it. He just kept staring. After about on 30 seconds more, I stared right back at him and gestured “Yes, can I help you?” He just kept on staring at me with a look that was a strange combination of a tourist and lecherous stare. It was really annoying. He did look away a few times so I knew it wasn’t a crick in his neck or anything, he just liked to stare at strange women for extended periods of time. Strange women generally don’t like that.
The “You Look Like Someone I know” Stare
I seem to get this stare a lot from a wide variety of people. Sometimes people stop and ask me if I know so and so, who is apparently my doppelganger. I always find this a bit odd because how the hell and I suppose to know so and so just because they look like me?
Sometimes this funny stare comes in the form of fathers telling me I remind them of their daughters. That’s usually a pleasant one, it’s the same proud kind of look I get from my dad. I enjoy this look, except for the rare time that it turns into the lecherous stare, which always succeeds in creeping me out on a whole new level.
The other week, this type of stare came in the form of a young child, a girl no older than about 2 years old, pointing at me in the supermarket aisle and proclaiming “MOMMY!” in a very loud voice. I really wasn’t quite sure how to react to that one. The dad sure looked sheepish and apologetic. I just felt a strange mix of motherly obligation and complete maternal denial.
I’m sure I could come up with one or two more stare styles, but those are the main ones I seemed to encounter this morning and therefore all I can think of at the moment.
Eye culture in different cultures has always been something that has fascinated me. Japanese school kids are taught to direct their gaze at their teacher’s neck or tie, Germans seem to like to stare at you openly and unblinkingly whether they are speaking to you or not, and us Vancouverites don’t often make eye contact with each other on the street unless we are forced to.
What are your thoughts/experiences?
3 comments:
You tell it like it is. Thanks.
Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!
sex [url=http://pornushi.ru/english-version/indian-sex/springfield-college.php]springfield college[/url]
Post a Comment